24 March 2011


I'm amazed by the strength God gives me to do things I never thought I could do.

I made it through 7 deployments when my husband was in the military. Every time he left I thought, I don't think I can make it through it this time...but I always did, and I was always changed for the better. I was stronger and more sure that my Father in Heaven not only trusts me to be able to do hard things, but gives me courage along the way.

For example: Giving birth 5 times. That was terrifying and breathtakingly beautiful, all at once.

Sending my son (soon to be sons) on a mission has been an equal challenge. I can't make sense of the dread that came with something I so badly wanted my child to do. We've talked about missions since they were born. We even have an old weathered family chart of school grades, high school graduation years, and missions and have looked forward to each milestone for years. So why was it so hard to say goodbye when we dropped Corey off at the Provo MTC a year ago?

Well, it's the unknown. Will he be cared for? Will he be happy? Who will notice if he is lonely or downtrodden? Who will pick up on the little cues that only a mother knows after a lifetime of watching and loving her son? And it's the selfishness. I am selfish. I admit it. I miss my son. I miss his goofy smiles and dorky antics. I miss him teasing me. I miss driving him to seminary. I miss watching him play football on Friday nights. I miss lecturing him, (haha!) I miss the sound of his voice. I miss his unique laugh. I miss hearing him say "mom".

It's been one year today since I've hugged my son. One year today since I've kissed his cheek. I'm amazed at the strength I have been given to be able to let go of my selfishness and let Corey serve his mission.

I am amazed how quickly this year has passed.

I am amazed at Corey's growth and maturity.

I am amazed by his determination and testimony.

And, I am especially amazed that God let me be his mother.

(Saying goodbye at the MTC.)
One year down...one to go. I can do this. :)


Marylin said...

Why you gotta be makin me cry!?! I had been doing so well today and then you write this! Michelle you are one of the most amazing women I have ever known in my life! I love this post and the picture! Love and thinking of you xoxo

Robert said...

Beautifully said, beautifully written. AMEN.

Emily said...

I started crying just looking at this picture. Then I read it and now I am crying more. You have such a beautiful spirit!

C.S. Bezas said...

Wow, how wonderful to have found your beautiful blog. My son was called to serve in Slovakia (part of the Czech Prague mission), but due to eye hemorrhaging, he just received a reassignment to serve in the PA Philadelphia mission! He flies out tomorrow from the MTC with 10 missionaries headed for Philadelphia (he was slated to leave the MTC May 2 for the Czech Republic). How comforting to know he'll be in such excellent company as your son in that mission. Your blog is beautiful.