Smile-Worthy

Things that make me happy lately: (totally not all inclusive and certainly not in any particular order.)



A double-sized mug of chamomile tea with sugar and heavy cream. Yum. Invokes feelings of being splendidly spoiled and perfectly relaxed.

A clean house. Okay, at this point in our busy lives with five kids, a single clean ROOM is enough to make me smile.

Good hair days. I mean actual good hair days, not the ones where I think it looks good and then catch a reflection later and discover it's really hideous. And so is my outfit...and skin.

Photo editing. Translation- cropping out the messy house and fixing the bad hair, skin and yes, sometimes cropping out the entire body from the neck down.

Silence. Self-explanatory.

A good book. I wish this was making me smile right now, I haven't read one in a LONG WHILE. (Sooo not like me, I know.)

Projects. Not only projects, but projects that turn out at least as good, if not better than how I've envisioned the final product.

Cute kid cuddles. Also self-explanatory.

My husband. Manly-man and teddy bear all-in-one. He makes me laugh when I shouldn't be able to. Mostly, I don't deserve how wonderful he is to me...especially on the days when he listens to me and get's me when I don't even get myself.

The thought of family visiting for the holidays. My brother and two adorable nephews get to come (hopefully) for both Thanksgiving AND Christmas. Very smile-worthy.

Totally free sheet music I can print from the internet. Ah, I even found some Clint Mansell stuff.

Squeak-free brakes. The hubby just changed them this week. And we didn't need to replace the rotors. Yes!

My current church calling. I'm loving it.

Gardenia scented Salt City candles. In a word: heavenly.

My new nephew's impending arrival...hopefully TODAY! Rob's brother's wife, Lisa, is currently in labor with John Edward Evans IV. They've nicknamed him "Four". Can't wait to kiss his little baby cheeks!

What makes you smile?

Honor Them

My Neighborhood Is On It's Way To Somewhere In A Handbasket

I've never been thankful for my bunch of neighbors who sit outside and smoke all afternoon, until today. Today I was thankful because it meant at least someone I did trust was watching my house while others I don't trust were creepily staring at me as I left to pick up my sons from school.

I wish the landlords on my street were more selective. Seriously, I would not at all be surprised if our newish neighbors across the street were all on a pedophile list somewhere. Creepy does not even come close to describe the vibes they send out. And down the street are people who I swear are running a used car lot/mechanics shop from their driveway. And four hundred people live there now. And there is weird staining, like a swimming pool of oil and grime burst in the road, all over the street that was just recently resurfaced in front of four houses near them now. And I could deal with their car lot if there weren't kids everywhere all day, throwing rocks and not moving when I need to drive past them to get out of the culdesac. But even worse are their dogs. Three of them. Two chihuahuas and an I-can't-tell-what-it-is-it's-so-matted-and-dirty other dog who comes into my yard and won't shoo away. I was trying to get it to move so I could leave the other day and the little boy comes screaming down the street "Hey! Hey! That's my dog! That's my dog!" I wasn't being mean. I didn't want to back over it. Although maybe next time....

Anyway, the point is, today I was glad my one nice neighbor was out front because I had to go get Riley early from school and she did not want to go with me to get the boys. And get this...a teacher told her she really needs to watch out for the H1N1 flu...her symptoms sure sound like it. Ya, a fever and a headache could not be ANYTHING ELSE!

But of course now I'm paranoid!

Beauty Is

...holding Gabby's hand

...soaking in the sunshine

...laughing at silly jokes

...recognizing blessings

...listening

...making discoveries

...sifting memories

...being as excited as she is as she learns how to read

...surviving bad days

...the smell of autumn

...the blue of her eyes

...releasing fear

...memorizing moments

...being her mother

...gratitude.

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." ~Kahlil Gibran

Predictions From 1991

Corey graduated high school this afternoon. We are so proud of him and the young man he has grown to be. I'll share more pictures later in the week but for now I wanted to post this old journal entry from Tuesday June 11, 1991 at 1:22pm. Corey was four months old at the time.

Corey — Right now I'm sitting here watching you roll over!!! Since I got my new job I haven't had much spare time - not to mention still trying to get everything moved into our new apartment (we did it, yay)! You are getting to be such a big boy and I miss you so much when I have to work. It's so hard for me to be away from you for that whole eight endless hours. Boy do you need a haircut! (Again.) Your hair grows so fast! I was just thinking about how you are already growing so fast — pretty soon you'll be graduating from high school and before I know it, married with a family of your own. I know it sounds unrealistic now but, time goes by so fast and as you get older it seems to slip through your fingers so easily. I like coming home and laying down beside you and staring at you. You are so precious to me, my little one. I love you—don't ever forget that! Love always, Your Mommy

I seriously cannot believe how fast it has gone by. It did slip right through our fingers. But we have beautiful memories to hang on to and millions more to make. What a wonderful son we have! He's still my precious little one.

Balancing Act

The acquisition of balance seems curiously difficult. How can we discover our potential and play the roles we've been cast in when every scene seems to involve a formidable balancing act?

Balance between being a woman who is tender, delicate, and sweet while also being unbreakable, courageous and strong.

Balance between showing emotion when you hurt and not being emotional.

Balance between the conflicting messages of "Work hard, don't be lazy or idle," and "Take time for yourself and relax once in awhile."

Balance between being clean and organized without turning into a tyrannical overachieving Nazi maniac Mom.

Balance between living in the world and in relation to those who revel in it's ways, but resisting the influences of the world, being good and holy.

Balance between being a good friend and listener without being an enabler.

Balance between letting your kids exercise agency without letting them fall flat on their faces.

Balance between being able to forgive others without giving them license to walk all over you and repeatedly abuse your trust.

Balance between firmly take a stand when your conscience tells you that you must, and being courteous of the opinions that others have.

Balance between taking care of everyone else, and taking care of yourself.

Balance between being a toilet scrubbing, diaper changing, dish washing, laundry folding housewife, and being a hot goddess, put together, (showered) happy wife when that hard working hubby of yours walks through the door at night.

Balance between spoiling yourself or your family once in awhile, (especially when they are deserving) and being moderate and economical.

Balance between being able to enjoy your life as a whole, and sometimes barely just getting through today.

Balance between being "the mom" ─ you know, the disciplinarian, the teacher, the overseer, the manager, and being "the mommy" ─ the story teller, the praiser, the cuddler, the hero.

Balance between being chic, polished and gourmet, and being a good steward who is thrifty and can maximize that dollar store budget.

Balance between slowing down because we're moving so fast that every day speeds by in a blur, and not being stagnant and unproductive.

Balance between being humorous and whimsical without being tactless and irreverent.

Balance between handing our problems and worries over to God, and getting off of our knees and going to work to find solutions and answers.

Balance between being strong enough to lift our heavy burdens and being humble enough to ask the Lord to help us carry them.

Are you finding it hard to maintain balance? In what ways or areas?

Precious

"Every child begins the world again."
~Henry David Thoreau





(My sweet niece Berlynn, 4 weeks old.)

Corey's Senior Portraits

I had been putting off taking pictures of Corey for so long I was wondering if I was ever going to get them done. I grabbed my camera and drug Corey out for a quick photo session tonight and came back with several great shots. It helps to be shooting such a handsome young man.

Maybe now I can get those graduation announcements in the mail...

Delightful Mermaids

"Everything in creation has its appointed painter or poet and remains in bondage like the princess in the fairy tale 'til its appropriate liberator comes to set it free." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wrong Scripture, Right Gift

Apparently I don't listen to my Mother very well. She has told the story (quite a few times) about her initial fear about childbirth and labor (ya, and then she had 7 kids) and a certain scripture that got her through it. I thought that scripture was Luke 1:37, "For with God, nothing shall be impossible." Honestly, I did doubt myself but I didn't want to call her and clue her in to the fact that I was making something for her, because she can always pick up on that when I start asking random questions.

Just before she opened her little Mother's Day present I asked her which scripture it was and without missing a beat she rattled off Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Whoops.

I asked her if there was another similar one that was one of her favorite scriptures and she recited two or three more in quick succession, none of which were Luke 1:37.

Okay, so I had to laugh. I told her I got it all wrong but I hoped she liked her gift anyway, which she assured me she would. Of course, once she opened it she absolutely loved it! I was trying to do one that went along with her becoming a mom...so I didn't quite get it right, but I am still glad she liked the sign anyway. She told me that when she saw me walk in with the gift she was hoping it was something I had painted for her and she was just thrilled that it was. I bet I could have painted her a frog or a rock and she wouldn't have cared.

My mom is so easy to make gifts for. Buying them for her is a pain, but she loves my homemade stuff. And isn't she gorgeous?! Can you believe she's 58?! Anyway, I loved making this little dot art sign so much that I already have a few ideas floating around my head for one of my own. Although, next time the teenie dots that make up the font will be a little bit bigger...those took forever!

I Am A Mother

Have any of you ever read the email where a woman describes herself as a "Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" instead of just calling herself a "housewife"?

Some days, I really mull over my career choice of being a mom.

Some days I love my job. Some days it gets pretty mundane. Some days I smile triumphantly. Some days I want to run away. Some days I need to pray a little harder than others. Some days I over think everything. Most days, though, I over simplify just what it means to be a mom.

As mom's we do so many jobs: Taxi Driver, Gourmet Chef, Maid, Laundress, Beautician, Interior Decorator, Painter, Plumber, Teacher, Secretary, Banker, Driver's Ed Instructor, Proof Reader, Party Planner, Counselor, Activities Coordinator, Nurse, Accident and Crime Scene Investigator, Warden, Photographer, Professional Bargain Hunter, Religious Instructor,...etc...not to mention, Worry-er, Hope-er, Pray-er.

As moms, most of the time we're lucky to get a "thank you" for our efforts. A hug means we must have really gone above and beyond. And a complement like, "Mommy I want to be just like you when I grow up," is the ultimate praise for all our hard work.

I think, before this earth life, I probably expressed my desire to be a mother to my Heavenly Father. I think I probably made Him a few promises about the kind of mother I'd try to be. I'm sure I promised Him that I'd teach my children who they are. That they are His children. That He loves them. That their lives have meaning! I'm certain I promised Him that I'd teach my children about agency. That agency is more valuable than anything, even peace. I know I promised to teach them the pray and to fast, so that they can have a transcendent connection to Heaven. That I would teach them of truth, of righteousness, of faith, of love. I unquestionably promised Him that my home would be a refuge from the world.

I wonder, though, if I really knew how challenging my career would be. I wonder if I was so busy daydreaming about being crowned with glory and honor that I missed the part of the job description that said there'd be sleepless nights rocking a gassy three-month-old. The part that said I'd need to be on call 24/7. The part that said attending sacrament meetings with a one-year-old would feel more like a wrestling smack down than a sacred renewal of covenants. That I'd clean up more spilled milk and soggy Cocoa Krispies than I'd care to remember. That once I finally got through the "up with toddlers during the night" phase, that I'd be introduced to the "waiting up for teenagers" phase. The part about providing about 20,000 meals, creatively, over the course of 18 years. The part where I'd drop everything to go trade cars with my son who just got in a car accident so he could enjoy the rest of his prom. The part that said I'd eventually send each of my sons away, for a two year church mission, only speaking to them on Mother's Day and Christmas and wondering and worrying if he was eating or if he was happy, but knowing he'd be on the Lord's errand. The part the said one day I'd tearfully kiss my daughter on the cheek on her wedding day and wonder where in the world the time has gone. The part of the job description that said I'd be required to perform millions of acts of service, compassion, patience and endurance as I nurtured my children and nudged them towards exaltation.

Motherhood is indeed a glorious career! Joseph F. Smith said, "The love of a true mother comes nearer to being like the love of God than any other kind of love."

We are not alone in our careers as mothers...our callings as mothers. We are entitled to strength and direction from above. D&C 84:88 says, "...I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

No, I don't think we are ever alone in our callings as mothers. If ever we feel like the burden is too great or the challenge too daunting, we are never more than a whispered prayer away from the greatest source of strength.

"When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?" (Neal A Maxwell, "The Women of God," 10–11).

To those of you who are mothers, answer me that question. Do you really know how influential you are? Do you really know what's at stake? Can you really grasp how far reaching of an effect a phenomenal mother can have?

The End of an Era

Corey's last high school sporting event is today. His final volleyball game. It's strange to reflect on all the football games, wrestling meets, track meets, basketball games, and volleyball matches we have attended over the last four years. I can't believe it will all be over today. The school celebrates "Senior Night" so if you're in our neck of the woods, er...uh, I mean, desert, around 6 o'clock, drop on over to Eldorado's gym and watch my sports nut kiddo have some fun playing his last high school game.

Fear

"I have often been afraid, but I would not give in to it. I made myself act as though I was not afraid and gradually my fear disappeared." ~Theodore Roosevelt

X is for...

X-ray's of course.


(It looks more like a "buckling fracture" to me but I'm gonna go off what the Doc said.)

Riley had field day at school today. At one of the stations her favorite teacher told her and her friend to try running backwards for that particular race. She did. There was a pine cone. She tripped. Backwards...and came down hard on her left arm.

She went to the nurse, but Riley is the kind of child who LOATHES attention for anything that may be slightly embarrassing so she didn't let on how much it hurt. She got an ice pack, sat there for awhile and then when the nurse asked her, she said she was fine to go back out for field day. I think she really became aware of the severity of the situation when she later attempted a CRAB WALK! It hurt! So she tried to do it with one arm so no one would notice. But did she tell anyone? Nope. So did I get a phone call from the school telling me to come pick up my injured girlie? Nope.



Corey picked her up from school and, as I was laying down for a few minutes, I didn't even see her until 4 o'clock. I told her we were on our way to go see her cousin Berlynn, and she calmly said, "Oh, too bad I won't be able to hold her." Uh...okay...WHY NOT? "I hurt my arm at school today Mommy..." and then the tears started trickling down her cute sunburned cheeks. I glanced down and through her long sleeves I could see that one wrist was swollen. My first thought was -- oh dang, it's broken. We had to wait about 20 minutes for Corey to get back home with my truck and Rob was at work so I made her suffer through pictures while we waited to be able to leave.

After a 4 hour "Quick" Care (Riley thought that was so ironic) visit, it was confirmed to be a bow fracture. Not too bad. We'll see an orthopedic specialist next week. In the mean time, she has a nice splint and a sling and lots of Motrin. All she wanted on the way home was a Big Mac meal. Cute girl. I'm just glad it wasn't a lot worse. And so was she after we got home and started looking up different types of fractures on the internet! She's got her blanket and her huge stuffed puppy and she's camped out on the couch for the night, already feeling much better. (But she is concerned about how this will affect her dance recital at the end of May.)

Seventeen

Hard to believe Tyler is already seventeen. The time has gone by so fast...except for those few years he was into throwing tantrums...well, those seven years he threw tantrums. (We've been done with that for 10 years now though.) Oh, I never thought either of us would make it through those years. Ha ha. :) Now Tyler is the most calm, most patient child you'll ever meet!

We spent the afternoon cheering at Tyler's track meet (he's a distance runner) and then hustled over to catch the last point of Corey's volleyball match. I knew we'd miss Ryan's but I was hoping to at least make Corey's last game. Oh well...I haven't been able to make any of Ty's meets this year yet so it was definitely worth it! And the whole distance team sang "Happy Birthday" to him out on the field while they were warming up. It was awesome!

Happy 17th birthday Ty! We love you! And now that we're all home...PRESENTS! :D

Discovery

"I write to discover what I know." ~ Flannery O'Connor

Sorrows

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily tasks, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." ~Victor Hugo

Near the Edge

"Avoid temptation: Remember, no one ever fell over a cliff without going near the edge." ~Unknown

My NIECE is Finally Here!!!

Berlynn Noelle Johnson was born to proud parents Stacey and Joshua Johnson at 4:56am. 8 pounds 6 ounces and 20 inches! What a beauty! Can't wait to go to the hospital and see her. Mommy and baby are doing awesome! (But, man, I sure wish I had gotten up to check my cell phone when I thought I heard my text ringtone at 1:30am. I was awake and could have headed over to the hospital waiting room!)

Where's the Line?

How do you feel about your blog? What kinds of things do you write about? Your kids? Your struggles? Your triumphs? Your goals? Your travel log? Your mental peregrinations? Your embarrasing moments? Your secrets?

Is it an open book? A journal for the world to read, sort of like Terresa from the Chocolate Chip Waffle discusses in her post "Hi, nice to meet you, here's my underwear drawer"? Or are you really selective about what you write, carefully editing out all that may be embarrassing a month or a year from now? Do you tell on people? Hash through your issues all over the blogosphere? Set your blog to private readers only so you can be really open? Share your wisdom? Wow us with your whit? Make us jealous of how many times your husband vacuums in a week (did you know John Bytheway vacuums almost daily?) Teach us crafts? Share your favorite recipes? Mostly just post pictures? Lead us through your heart wrenching illnesses or lively romances?

I've never been good at writing a journal and I think I know the reason why. I may or may not choose to admit it here. Okay, I'm going to admit it. I don't like being that open with myself. Weird huh. It's like, if I embrace the "whatever the emotion is for the day" and give it a voice, it may just stage a hostile takeover.

Does this make sense?

Okay, let me explain a little further...I know someone (we'll leave it at that) who writes songs. She is very talented. She is artistic and creative and amazing. BUT. Occasionally I think she embraces the melancholy just a bit too much to be able to write her sad sad, I mean really sad, lyrics and I just think...if she'd stop writing about it so much, she wouldn't feel it so much. You have to be in a really low place to be able to even get half of the stuff she writes. While she may call it her "release" I call it her "pity permit".

I tend to feel things very deeply, letting myself be affected completely by a situation or experience. When I have written about those things in my journal in the past, whether it be about abuse or ignorance or neglect or even good things like having my children or a great vacation, I feel it all over again whenever I reread it.

Is that supposed to be the point?

Is that why we write our life stories? To re-experience every situation? I know some things I write down so I won't forget but some things I REALLY WANT TO FORGET!

Am I being dishonest with myself?

There are some things I'd like to post about simply because I'd like to either get more info to help me get through a particular situation or share my coping strategies with someone who is currently experiencing what I have somehow made it out of. HOWEVER, I don't want to hurt other people who are involved in the experience. Do ya know what I mean?

So, the point of this post...where is the line? Is there a magic "DO NOT CROSS" line when blogging? Where is the line between being honest with yourself and handing some stranger a piece of your intimates? Where is the line between showing real emotion and embracing the manic? Where is the line between sharing life's wisdoms that you've gleaned through your own experiences and being on a soapbox that you had no business stepping up on in the first place?